How To Succeed With Finch
by Dev Blair
Summary: A revised retelling of How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying, music by Frank Loesser and book by Abe Burrows, Jack Weinstock, and Willie Gilbert. Finch/Frump pairing, from Bud's POV. Chapter 1 covers the first act, chapter 2 covers the second act. I wrote this a year ago as a characterization exercise for when I played Bud Frump in this show. Let me know what you think!
1. Finch's Rise to Success

The World Wide Wicket Company. "World Wide Wickets for a Wider World." It's my Uncle Jasper's business. Of course, I'm not supposed to be calling him that, so you probably have no idea who I'm talking about. J.B. Biggley, boss of the WWWC. That probably rings a few bells-one of the most successful businessmen of his time, running the largest single producer of wickets in the world. Yeah. Who would've thought selling wickets would have ever turned into such a profitable business? The company's probably number one because there's no real market, to be frank. Wickets. They're just glorified pet doors when you think about it. But anyway.

Now that I've introduced my uncle, you're probably wondering who I am. Well, like I said, I'm his nephew. Bud. Bud Frump. What a last name, right? I blame my flake of a father. Knocks up my mom, and then disappears into the night-and the only gifts we get? Well my mom got me. And I got my last name. Frump. Thanks a lot, Dad. Just listen to it. It just sounds… Frumpy! It's the worst. And the jokes about it never cease. I hate it when people call me Frump, to point of complaining whenever it happens. It sounds terrible, it's ridiculously easy to make fun of, _and_ it ties me to my father. Pretty much the worst thing ever.

But that's enough about me. Back to the WWWC. My mother, Gertrude, just so happens to be J.B.'s sister. And she's always looking out for me, so when I got out of high school (mom couldn't afford college on her own) she managed to persuade Uncle Jasper to let me work at his company. His only warning was that I better not expect any favoritism… followed by a string of damns and out of place –ing words. Of course, that's never stopped me from trying to work my family connection to my advantage anyway. I have to get to the top somehow. Not just for me, but for my mom. I owe her that much. I'm not a super hard worker, but I've got my mother and some other tricks to help me climb the corporate ladder. If I could just figure out how to succeed in business without really trying, things would be pretty swell, for my mother and I.

Of course, ever since being employed with the company Uncle Jasper hasn't taken too kindly to me. I can't call him Uncle Jasper because when we're doing business we're not supposed to act like family. And he acts like he hates me all the time so that no one will accuse him of nepotism for hiring me. Which means that it's actually a lot harder to get my way around here than I thought it would be.

So, a few years after my employment, I've eased my way into things and gotten acclimated to the business environment. Everyone knows me and I make it known who I am so they don't have confusion regarding my intentions. I'm aiming for the top, and I don't care if I have to abuse my family connection as much as possible to get there. Despite all that, I'm still stuck in the mailroom. The only "promotion" I've received so far is being allowed to deliver the executive mail-something my pay check definitely _didn't_ get any increases for. So now I've just been biding my time, waiting for the right opportunity to spring ahead.

And finally, one day it looked like my chance had come. The head of the mailroom for the past twenty five years, Mr. Twimble, was finally getting a promotion, out of the mailroom. And thanks to my executive mail deliverer distinction, I was next in line to be his successor. I knew I had the job, I just knew it.

Then he walked into my life. That man, with the upturned chin, unrelenting smile, and sickeningly sweet politeness. I hated him the moment I saw him.

J. Pierrepont Finch.

* * *

His first day there, I didn't even notice him. Why would I, he was just some random man, so I assumed he was new. The company is so large it's hard to keep track of who's being fired and hired and so on. I was heading out for my early lunch break, courtesy of my nephew privilege, when Mr. Bratt introduced me to him.

"This is Mr. Finch. He's going to be working with you in the mailroom." Bratt told me.

"Hello, Finch. I'm Bud Frump. J.B. Biggley's nephew." I greeted him coldly. He offered me a hand, but I ignored it, choosing instead to size him up. He certainly wasn't very intimidating. His bright eyes shone with innocence. But I could see something else there, and I didn't like it. Ambition. I could tell that this one was going to be trouble, especially for me, with him being in the same department as me. Having already made my relation to Uncle Jasper known, I did the only thing I could think to do next. I pulled him aside and had some words with him, explaining to him that as long as he remembered his place, things between us would be fine. Of course, that Rosemary Pilkington or whatever tried to defend him from my intimidation by undermining me right then and there.

"I beg your pardon. I do not 'go crying to my uncle.' It happens that my mother is Mr. Biggley's sister. If I feel anything is wrong, I phone my mother, and she phones Mr. Biggley." I said, laying all of my cards on the table. I couldn't be anymore more blunt about how I operated, I hope she realized how badly her defense backfired. With that, I left, confident that I had squashed the potential problem before it had started.

If only that were the truth.

* * *

Things were pretty quiet for about a week. There was a minor crisis at the coffee machine the other day, when it seemed that we were all out. I need my coffee to get through the day. Without it, something within me just dies. While all the employees were all freaking out, I noticed Miss Smith, Rosemary's best friend, trying to get close to me. I'm not sure what her intentions were, but I don't think I have time for feelings in the pursuit of what I want. I wonder if she would be okay with something casual, no strings attached. She's an attractive girl, but emotional involvement could be a real pain for me.

Anyway, after the crazy coffee break caffeine crisis, I returned to the mailroom and guess what I found? Finch was holding the executive mail! He was reading some sort of strange looking book too, but the executive mail was my job! I couldn't believe that he was overstepping his boundaries like that already. I quickly snatched the mailbag from him and gave him a stern warning.

"The executive mail is _my_ job. Finch, if you have any ideas of climbing a ladder around here, the view is going to get awfully monotonous. Every time you look up you'll see the seat of my pants." Looking back on it, that probably seemed like an odd thing to say to another man, but I didn't care. He was moving in on my mail delivering duties and he needed to know that I wasn't going to stand for it.

After my delivery, I bumped into Mrs. Jones. I called her Jonesy when I greeted her, like everyone does, but for some reason she just walked right by me.

"Miss Jones." She said, tossing her hair and stalking up the stairs to the executive suite. What was that all about? I hadn't done anything to make Jonesy mad. She's stern with everyone, but we always call her Jonesy and she's never seemed to mind it before. Something strange was definitely up, but I didn't have time to investigate it, because there was Finch again, with that annoying Rosemary girl. I told Finch to get back to work and left, needing to do some planning. I had a phone call to make.

* * *

I immediately went to the mailroom office and made a call to my mother. This Finch guy had me worried and I wanted to feel secure about my spot as next in line for the head of the mailroom. Twimble and Finch came over, talking some nonsense about "mailroomery," when the phone rang again. Secretly hoping it was my mother calling to say that she had gotten my next promotion secured with Uncle Jasper, I hastily picked it up and answered.

"Hello, mailroomery. No! Mailroom. Just a minute." I said. Well that was disappointing. It wasn't my mother, it was Bratt, the Personnel manager and he was calling to speak to Twimble, plus Finch and Twimble managed to screw me up with their bumbling idiot-talk about "mailroomery." I approached Finch and asked what his angle was, trying to get so close to Twimble right before his promotion. He acted all innocent, but that always made me mad, so I got in his face and told him that if anyone was going to get the job, it would be me. He backed off. Finally, Twimble addressed us, saying that he got promoted to the shipping department. This was it, the big moment. I needed to beat Finch to prove to him that I was better. I needed him to know that he'd always be one step behind me. And then Twimble said the words that shook my resolve and made me doubt everything again.

"'You've been an outstanding mailroom head and we want you to choose your successor. And we want you to choose him on merit. On merit alone.'"

That couldn't be right. That wasn't fair! I had been stuck in the mailroom for years, Finch had only been there a few weeks. I left to call my mother, using a coffee break to disguise my exit. I spoke with my mother once more and she told me that she had already talked to J.B. about it and he said that he couldn't show favoritism. But that wasn't what I was asking for, I just wanted justice! I had been working in the mailroom longer, I deserved the job more. When I reentered, Bratt was there, ready to hear Twimble's decision. Knowing my only chance would be my Uncle Jasper, I asked if Bratt had heard anything from him. He hadn't.

"Damn damn damn…" I cursed under my breath, taking a page from my uncle's book. I knew what came next before it happened. Finch got the job. I had never felt so defeated in my life. All of my work, all of the time I spent building to this moment of sheer triumph, and in just a week, Finch had somehow managed to ruin it for me. He just drove me crazy, smiling all the time, being so damn nice. It was disgusting. And then the unthinkable happened.

"Thanks but I can't accept." He said. I did a double take. Was he serious? He was denying the promotion. Then things got really crazy.

"Gentlemen, I recommend Bud Frump."

Never in my life have I been so okay with someone using my last name. Finch had just gotten promoted… and he gave the promotion away, just like that. And even stranger, he had given it to me! After the way I had treated him since he first walked in here… well it was just ridiculous! I didn't know what to say.

"You're _kidding_." I said, entirely floored. When I recovered from my shock, I ran to tell my mother the good news. I couldn't believe it. Head of the mailroom! I was finally moving up in the company. And oddly enough, I owed all of that to Finch. Well, Ponty, as people had taken to calling him. He was such a nice guy, even to people who tried their hardest to bring him down. I couldn't help but wonder at how he could do it, how anyone could be that selfless. Maybe… Maybe being friends with Ponty wouldn't be such a bad idea. As I thought about this, I returned to the mailroom, _my_ mailroom.

"Thanks, Ponty, old man." I said. I reached out and shook his hand, as if I were somehow making up for the ignored handshake when we first met. He smiled at me, with those amazing eyes of his… And suddenly, things felt different. I wasn't sure what it was, but when he smiled at me then, I felt something. My heart rate quickened. I immediately felt extremely uncomfortable and nervous about holding his hand, so I dropped it. What was going on? Was… was I attracted to Ponty? But that didn't make any sense, I was very clearly attracted to girls. In fact, Smitty and I had a "meeting" in Uncle Jasper's office earlier that day. We hadn't planned it, I was just delivering the mail, but she was there and I knew how she felt about me, so I asked her about it and she was more than happy to oblige. As I stood there considering this, I noticed that Twimble was standing next to me and I didn't want him suspicious so I spoke.

"He sure amazed me. I'm still wondering why he did this for me." I said, hoping that would be a realistic enough cover for my actual thoughts. He bought it, and went on talking about how he wasn't sure about Ponty's decision. Convincing him wasn't too hard, I just spewed the same nonsense about the company way that he had been going on about since I got here. I needed to do some more thinking, but I knew that this wasn't the appropriate place for that, so I invited everyone to lunch, on me.

Then Bratt made another announcement. Finch was getting promoted to the Plans and Systems department as a junior executive. I was shocked again. Finch gives up a promotion and he ends up getting an even bigger promotion? Finch, a junior exec! That's not fair at all! Not to mention, it took him out of my department, and I wanted to keep him there so I could figure things out between us. But now that would be impossible. I couldn't have everyone knowing that I didn't want him to leave my department because I wished to explore this possible attraction I had to him, so instead I focused on my anger at him being promoted to a higher position than me. Regular Bud didn't like someone doing better than him. I had to remind myself of that.

"Wait a minute! Just a minute! That lunch is Dutch. In fact, it's canceled! Wait a minute!" I complained, as they carried me away.

I was determined to make sure that this wouldn't be the last that Finch would see of me.

* * *

As I eased into running the mailroom, I couldn't stop thinking about Finch. What was happening to me? I knew that I liked women, but I also seemed to really like Ponty. Every little thing he did drove me crazy, that winning smile, his unrelenting niceness, that upturned chin of his… I didn't know what to do. I kept meeting Smitty in Uncle Jasper's office, but that barely helped. I mean sure, it kept my sexual frustration at bay but… I couldn't help but feel emotionally unfulfilled. Also I couldn't help but wonder what was keeping J.B. so busy all the time… I kept trying to figure out ways to meet Finch, to be around him and try and figure out what it was that I was feeling. But I couldn't let it be obvious. So when the incredibly sexy Hedy La Rue walked into the WWWC, I knew I had the perfect opportunity to drive away any suspicions that anyone might have about who I fancy in this company.

"Can I help you, honey?" I asked, laying on the charm thick.

"Scram," she said, looking me up and down and turning away. Ouch. That hurt my pride a little. Alright, new tactic.

"You don't understand, Miss. You see, I'm Bud Frump, J.B. Biggley's nephew." The family connection would be sure to work.

"Oh how do you do? I'm waiting for Mr. Bratt of Personnel. I'm a secretary."

"I spotted that the minute you came in." I said, kissing her hand and sealing the deal.

Of course, that's when Bratt entered and messed things up by taking her off to get her "particulars." The man acts so high and mighty about secretary's being "highly-specialized key [components] of operational unity" and not toys, but we all could tell how smitten he was with Hedy. I suppose that's fine though, it's not as if he pays his _actual_ secretary much attention anyway. How else do you think she keeps getting away with meeting me in J.B.'s office? Anyway, Hedy gave her "particulars" before she left and I was right on the money with my bet, so I won the pool that had been going around while she and Bratt were talking. Smitty poked her head out of Bratt's office, looking at Hedy with disdain. She saw me standing there and she told Bratt that she needed "some new tax withholding blanks." She barely hid the urgency in her voice and when Bratt dismissed her, she looked directly at me as she walked by. I knew what she wanted. After Bratt had finished his hypocritical lecture, I slipped away to go meet her.

* * *

After she and I were done "discussing" things, it was time to end the work day. I needed to go back to my office and grab my hat and coat. On the way there, I saw Smitty get into the elevator with Finch. That Rosemary girl was right there with them again. I could see what she was doing, and Smitty's been telling me all about what was going on between them. She better back off, because she wasn't the only one with eyes on Ponty… I stopped and thought about what I had just said. Did I really want to be with Ponty? People definitely wouldn't like that. We would have to keep things a secret… I mean technically I'm not his secretary, but that wouldn't be the real problem. As I considered this, my Uncle Jasper walked by, heading for the elevator.

"Dammit, you've been complaining to your mother again. She wants you promoted." He bellowed, pulling me from my thoughts.

"Why not? Other people are being promoted." I said, defending my position. This was the first time I had gotten a chance to discuss getting a promotion with Uncle Jasper directly, rather than through my mother. He started to say something, when Hedy walked by. He completely ignored me!

"Uncle Jasper!" I said, waving my hands to get his attention.

"I told you never to call me that around here." He snapped, towering over me as he turned to face me.

"I'm sorry, J.B." I knew when to back off.

"Now haven't you got something to do?"

"I was just going to get my hat and go home."

"Good." He said, as I stalked off. I turned back to look at him and Hedy and I started thinking again. What if something was going on between them? I mean, him ignoring me is nothing new, but she stayed there during our whole exchange, and I was certain that it wasn't because of the elevator. I quickly got my hat and coat and came back, eavesdropping on what they were saying.

"… You did not keep your part of my bargain." She said. So a deal had been worked out. Interesting…

"Sweetheart! I meant every word. Tell you what, I'll meet you at your place in ten minutes and we can talk it over." He said. Meet at her place? Sweetheart! I knew what was going on now. Uncle Jasper was having an affair with Hedy! Poor Aunt Ernestine, she didn't deserve that. I walked in, pretending I hadn't heard anything.

"Why don't you go home?" He said.

"I'm waiting for the elevator." I replied

"Why don't you walk down?"

"It's thirty floors!" He really wanted me out of there.

"Why don't you jump?" Alright. I wasn't going to say anything, but I guess it's time for me to put the pressure on.

"Very attractive girl, Miss LaRue." I could see the fear in his eyes immediately.

"Huh? Oh, yes, I guess so. I was just, uh, trying to make her feel at home. She seems to be a rather shy person." He stuttered defensively.

"Yeah… Well, you go ahead, J.B." I said, easing the pressure off just enough to make him think it was safe. I began to walk towards the elevator, when I turned and said:

"I'm meeting Mother for dinner." He stopped immediately, turning towards me. The terror in his eyes was apparent.

"She loves dinner with me. I tell her _everything_ that happens _all day_ at the office." Just in case my intentions weren't clear enough, I laid the emphasis on thick this time. And he got it. Loud and clear. He knew he was in trouble, so he did the only thing he could think of to keep me quiet. He promoted me. And where did I ask to go? Isn't it obvious?

Plans and Systems. Ponty's department.

* * *

I went home and spent the weekend feeling pretty proud of myself. But for whatever reason, Ponty decided to work through the weekend! He tries so damn hard sometimes. I hate him. Not for very long though. By the middle of the next week, he had been promoted to head of Plans and Systems and I still hadn't had the chance to talk to him yet. Somehow, Gatch had been sent to an out of town office all the way in Venezuela. I had no doubt in my head that Finch somehow had something to do with it, but I didn't bother wondering how he pulled it off. It was like he was some sort of hero, he could practically do anything and always get his way. Maybe that's part of why I like him so much. I strive to be like him. He makes me want to be a better me. And no one makes me feel like that. Not even Smitty.

Speaking of Smitty, I think she's starting to get a little suspicious of me being interested in someone other than her. She invited me to her pad this past weekend, but I declined her offer. Our meetings have been getting less frequent. I haven't been able to give her as much time as I used to, now that I'm so focused on getting to Finch. She keeps asking me if there's someone else, and while there technically isn't… yet, I can't very well say that there is someone else in my heart. That sounds ridiculous.

But anyway, it's Monday now and we're holding a reception for the new vice president in charge of advertising, Benjamin Burton Daniel Ovington or B.B.D.O, tonight. I can't think of why my uncle would hire him, aside from his random four names having the intials of the B.B.D.O advertising company, but I'd like to think that my uncle gave things like that a little more thought. As the party started, all of the secretaries came in wearing the exact same dress. That was strange. Smitty saw me, but as soon as I saw Hedy, I knew that I needed to get to her to keep suspicions about my sexuality at bay. All the guys seem to think that I'm Hedy's arm man, and I have no problem exploiting that for the time being. I took her over to the bar and half listened to Ovington's speech. I heard something along the lines of inexperience and a poorly phrased advertising theory that sounded vaguely like a sexual innuendo. I was just finishing my champagne when Hedy started to cause a bit of a stir.

"Benjamin Burton Daniel Ovington. What the hell kind of name is that?"

"You call this a double martini? There's only one olive in it."

Bratt pulled me aside and told me that J.B. wanted me to take Hedy home. I'm sure he'd already had experience with a boozed up Hedy, so I tried to get her to come with me. Instead she ran off and tried to dance with Finch. I wasn't going to have any of that so I ran after her. By the time she had reached him, he was already dancing with Rosemary however. And that was arguably worse. I went to grab Hedy, but she kicked and ran off again. After I recovered, I went after her, grabbed her arm and started to walk away when suddenly:

"Bud, you must have heard the rumor!" Smitty said. I looked back and I groaned. There was Smitty, looking so happy that I was holding her hand. I hated to ruin her dreams, but I needed to take Hedy home. I dropped her hand and kept searching. I didn't want to look back, but I did anyway. She looked devastated. I'd have to explain things to her, but later. She didn't deserve this anymore.

* * *

Eventually I found Hedy and helped her into the elevator. When we got out, she complained about being dizzy and then insisted on going up to Uncle Jasper's office for a shower. I let her go, not wanting to deal with the crazy drunk anymore. As she left she pinched my cheek and said:

"You're cute, you know. Not as cute as Finch, but you're cute."

Not as cute as Finch! That's the worst! I'm every bit as "cute" as Finch was. Besides, she doesn't appreciate Ponty's features like I do, she would never understand him like me. That got me thinking though. This would be the perfect time to talk to Finch. I would be able to get him away from Rosemary and it would just be me and him alone. A man walked by.

"Going up to the party?" I asked carefully.

"Yeah."

"Will you tell Mr. Finch I want to see him down here? Tell him it's important."

"Okay." The man walked into the elevator. This was perfect! I'd finally get my chance to talk to Ponty! Maybe I could even tell him how I felt about him and then he'd stop flirting with that Rosemary girl and-just then Finch stepped out of the elevator.

"Oh, hello Finch." I said, walking up to him.

"What's this all about, Bud?" He said, looking at me suspiciously. Suddenly I didn't know what to say. The words left me completely and I floundered trying to figure out what to tell him.

"J.B. wants you to go to his office. He'll meet you there." I managed to get out all at once. I was so mad at myself, that wasn't what I had wanted to say at all. But for whatever reason, he made me so damn nervous whenever I was around him.

"But I just saw him. He didn't say anything." He replied, stepping away from me.

"I guess he didn't want to say anything in front of Ovington. You know how it goes around here with advertising managers." I said, put my arms around his shoulders. Physical contact felt nice. But he shrugged me off and continued:

"Do you think your uncle is considering…?"

"I don't know anything. I only know I was told to tell you to go to his office." I raised my hands in mock surrender, though it was really more of a response to being shrugged off before.

"Well, I've never seen his office, anyway. Thanks, Bud." And with that he left. Ironically, I found myself staring at the seat of his pants as he walked away. And the view wasn't monotonous at all.

"You're welcome!" I turned to go back to the party, when it dawned on me. Hedy was in J.B.'s room right now. She was already trying to be all over him before, imagine if they were alone! I had to get to J.B. and tell him what was going on before it was too late. If he walked in on them alone, he'd think Finch was at fault and I wasn't going to let him get in trouble for this. I'd sooner have Hedy get caught being an unfaithful affair. I rushed to the elevator and went back up to the party floor, concerned about nothing but the security of Ponty's job. I had to save him from the danger I had put him in or I'd never forgive myself.

* * *

I stepped out of the elevator and I ran over to Uncle Jasper. I spoke fast and quickly and he asked me to slow down, so I repeated myself, slightly slower.

"Finch is upstairs in your office with Hedy, J.B." I told him.

"What?! Come on we're going up there right now and I'm putting a stop to this. If he so much as even touches her, he's fired!" He shouted, heading for the elevator door.

"Wait a minute! Uncle Jasper it isn't Finch's fault! Come back, let me explain!" I shouted to be heard over the crowd, but to no avail. It seemed that Rosemary had heard me and she made a break for the door as well. She got there first and went up. Things were heating up and I wasn't sure that I liked what the probable outcome was going to be. Smitty came by and tried to speak with me.

"Smitty. I love our time together, I really really do. But I have something important to take care of right now. I know that you're probably wondering if I'm skipping out on you to be with someone else but I promise you I'm not. I'll explain later, but I have to go right now." I told her.

"Okay. Fine. Do what you need to do, dear." She said, smiling. I was relieved that she understood.

I rushed to the elevator. It had just opened again for J.B. I squeezed in after him as the door began to close.

"Uncle Jasper I-"

"Don't call me that here! I've already told you that multiple times you damn blubbering ding dong!" he said.

"Sorry J.B. but you have to listen to me. This isn't Ponty's fault. I tried to take Hedy home but she insisted on taking a shower in your office. I accidentally sent Finch up there because I forgot." I explained.

"Why would you send him up there in the first place, you idiot? I didn't ask you to!"

"I, uh..." Everyone still thinks I hate Ponty so I had to act that way. "It was just a trick. I was gonna let him stay up there and miss the party."

"That's pretty stupid. Even for you, nephew." I said nothing. Just then, the elevator pinged. This was it. Ponty's employment status at the WWWC was riding on whatever we saw when that door opened. I held my breath.

* * *

The elevator door slid open and Uncle Jasper and I stepped out. We walked quickly into his office... and what I saw there broke my heart.

There was Finch, standing there with his back to us, looking as handsome as always. And the lips that he used to form his gorgeous smile? They were connected to someone else's. It was that girl Rosemary. She got here first and now she was making out with him passionately, palm on his chin and arm around his shoulders. I felt faint. I sat down, right there. Uncle Jasper cleared his throat and they realized that they were no longer alone.

"Oh, it's my fault, Mr. Biggley. I insisted that Mr. Finch show me your office."

Everything from that point forward was a blur and several things happened in a relatively short span of time. Uncle Jasper was clearly very awkward about the whole situation. He glared at me but I barely acknowledged it. After some talking, Rosemary suddenly ran into the restroom. The shower was in there, was it possible that Hedy was still taking one? That would be mildly relieving, although I'm not sure whether the hypothetical tragedy would hurt me as much as I was already hurt now. Eventually, after J.B. tried to lecture Finch and the beautiful heartbreaker slipped out of that, Bratt walked in with that Ovington guy. Somehow, Finch managed to bring up the fact that he was a Northern State graduate, which of course is a no-go at the WWWC. He got fired. Suddenly Uncle Jasper said:

"Finch, I'm making you vice president in charge of advertising."

As if the night couldn't get any worse. Not only was Finch hooking up with Rosemary, he's been promoted out of my department _again_. I couldn't believe it. I stood and left, not able to handle much more disappointment. No matter what I tried to do, nothing worked. Maybe I should just give up trying to get with Finch. He's obviously very happy with that Rosemary girl. And I'm not good enough for him anyway. Wait a minute. I stopped. What the hell was I saying? The old Bud would never admit that someone was better than him. All of this lovesick garbage has made me forget why I'm here in the first place. To be at the top, and to share it with nobody. And right now, I was letting Finch get in the way of that. I returned to the office, where Finch was making a phone call.

"Hello name painter? This is Mr. Finch. I want my name on my door in gold leaf."

That threw me for a second, but I regained my footing and stood tall. I needed to have an unshakeable resolve again, not this flimsy sense of lovey dovey idiocy. That night, I silently vowed to return. And my first act of business? To ruin Finch entirely.


	2. The Right Company

Two days later, it was time for the meeting of the Plans Board. This was the day that Finch would give his advertising presentation. And I knew that he was still stuck for an idea so I was heading to his office, with nothing in my mind besides making sure his presentation was an absolute failure. And the best part? I got promoted to head of Plans and Systems yesterday so I'll be able to watch the whole thing. It was gonna be great. And I was going to love every second of it. I walked into his office unannounced.

"Hello Ponty." I said, exuding the same friendliness he always did.

"Hello Bud." He said, rising to meet me. He offered his hand again. I looked at it, and considered leaving it alone, but shook it anyway and then continued.

"Sorry I busted in, but there was no one outside. First time I've seen the inside of your office. Quite a layout. My favorite style-Chinese Provincial." I mused, walking around and taking in the office. I glanced at his desk and saw what looked like some plans. If he was starting to come up with an idea, I better put a stop to it quick.

"I suppose you're wondering why I'm here." I said, stopping to look at him.

"Frankly, yes." He said, eyeing me curiously.

"Ponty, I want you and me to be friends. You know, smokum peacepipe. You've never liked me."

"Oh, Bud…" He said, coming over to me and placing a hand on my shoulder. This was a problem. Even though I knew that I wanted to sabotage Ponty, I still hadn't managed to completely rid myself of my feelings for him. I explained to Smitty what had been going on, and she promised not to tell anyone because she ended up confiding in me about her unrequited feelings for Bratt.

"He's always falling all over himself around that bimbo Hedy. Plus I'm his secretary so we technically aren't allowed to have anything going on. It's the worst." She had said. We had connected on a lot the previous day. I'm glad I knew her. Things between us may have started out as just casual meet ups in my Uncle's office, but over time, we've truly become good friends.

Snapping back to reality, I shrugged Finch's hand off. I didn't need my resolve to be shaken any further.

"Don't deny it. It's true, and I don't blame you. I've been a no-good back-biting fink."

"Oh, Bud, that's a bit strong." He said, walking towards me again.

"How would you put it?" I quickly responded, looking at him sharply.

"I guess your way is best." He said, backing away towards his desk and leaning on it.

"Well, I'd like to change all that. Now I know you're stuck for an idea, and I was thinking-"

"Now wait a minute, Bud. I am not stuck."

"-I was thinking that give-away shows are going to come back and-"

"I don't need anyone else's ideas and-what was that?" He said leaning forward and leaving his desk once more. Now I had him.

"Well, I have this idea for a give-away program. It's called the World Wide Wicket Treasure Hunt. We hide a thousand dollar savings bond somewhere an d every week on television we give clues as to where it is." I said. I couldn't give it to him too easily so I made it seem like his way was still the best.

"Look, as you say, you don't need an idea, but let me leave this with you and if you get a chance, look it over. Because the meeting's in a few little while. I mean, it's soon." I began to walk off, proud that I had made it through the whole thing when:

"Uh, Bud… What did your uncle say when you told him about this?" He asked. Uh-oh. I hadn't prepared for him to still doubt me. I didn't know what to say. I only brought him this idea because I myself had tried it with J.B. and failed. But I couldn't tell him that. So I lied.

"I haven't told it to him, Ponty. If I brought it to him, he wouldn't listen. That's why I brought it to you."

"You haven't told it to your uncle?" He said, raising an eyebrow at me. That had an effect on me too. I needed to leave this room soon. I started to become increasingly more aware of the fact that he and I were alone in here.

"No, Ponty." I hated lying to him. But I kept going. I knew I needed to make it seem like it wasn't a trap again, so I risked walking over to him one more time:

"Look, if you're not interested…" I said

"Well, Bud, the idea doesn't give me much nourishment but maybe I'll give it a bit of a think-think." He took it. Good. Relieved I headed straight for the door. I needed to get out of here.

"Feel free to use it." I said as I walked away. This was it. The home stretch. All I had to do was open the door and leave, then just wait for him to crash and burn. I looked back. And that was the worst mistake I could've ever made. He was smiling at me. My hand froze on the doorknob. I was in trouble. Before I could stop myself:

"You know, you don't deserve to be vice president. Look at you, accepting help from people who aren't even in your department." I said. I knew where this was coming from. It was the hurt side of me. I hated when it showed up, because I lost all control of my actions when it did.

"What are you talking about Bud? You came to me." He said, with a puzzled look on his face. Why did he have to look so cute when he was confused? I turned to him and spoke:

"You know, you're not as clever as you have everyone here believing you are. I know about you and Rosemary. She's been all over you since you came here. She's your secretary. That isn't allowed."

"Bud, Rosemary and I are just professional partners, why are you speaking to me about this?" I walked up to his desk.

"Don't lie to me. I was there when Biggley walked in on you two kissing each other." By the look on his face, he knew that he was caught.

"Bud… we're friends. Right?" He said cautiously. I considered my answer carefully. If I said yes, maybe I could get a confession from him.

"… Sure. Why?" I replied.

"You're right. Rosemary and I are together. In fact, we're engaged. But we haven't done anything since she became my secretary." Well. That was it. His confession. But all it did was make me feel sick. I felt weak again, so I sat down.

"You… and Rosemary…? Engaged?" I was breathing hard, trying to act like my world hadn't just been turned upside down.

"Yes. Bud, are you okay? Do you need water or something?" As much as I appreciated his concern, I was definitely not going to tell him that I was reacting this way because I loved him. I stopped breathing. Was that it? Did I love Finch? For some reason, that threw me even more than simply being attracted to him. I didn't have any words.

"No. I'm fine." I managed to say eventually.

"Are you sure?" He came over and put his hand on my shoulder and brought my head up to his so that our eyes were level. I couldn't take it. He had too much of an effect on me. I looked away quickly, but I could already feel the tears welling up in my eyes. What the heck was wrong with me? I never cry. I blinked rapidly but then my mouth opened of its own accord:

"No, I'm not okay, alright? In fact, I haven't been for a while. I'm jealous of you and Rosemary." I couldn't believe I was saying it.

"You're… You're jealous of Rosemary and I? How?" He said, falling back and sitting on the floor.

"Well, I'm jealous of Rosemary more specifically. It's not fair that she gets to be with you. Not when I feel as I do about you." I said. There was no stopping my words now. My walls were down.

"Wait. Bud, are you saying you have feelings for me?" I could tell by the shock in his voice that he didn't feel the same. He was disgusted by me, of course he didn't feel like I did about him. I got up and staggered to the door, unable to say anything else. I grabbed for the handle desperately trying to leave before I broke down, but he reached from behind me and locked it. I turned around and he was standing there… smiling? For some reason he was smiling. And his eyes were welling up with tears too. What was going on? I opened my mouth to speak when suddenly, he moved forward and pressed his lips to mine. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him, deepening the kiss even further. My mind was blank. I couldn't comprehend anything. All I could focus on was the fact that J. Pierrepont Finch was kissing me. Eventually he stopped kissing me and looked into my eyes. He still held me close.

"What just happened? I thought that you liked Rosemary?" I said, completely bewildered.

"I do. But not as much as I like you. From the very start, you've kept me on my toes. Your competitive nature brought out mine, and it's the real reason why I've risen so far in the company." He said, stroking my cheek.

"That's exactly how I feel! I've gotten three promotions since you got here, I've risen faster trying to chase you down all the time. Before you came, nothing motivated me to move to the top like that. Not even my mother."

"Exactly. I always thought of our antics as a friendly rivalry, so I always stayed quiet about how I felt. You seemed to be pretty taken with Smitty. And then there was Hedy too. I just knew that you liked women."

"Well I do but, with you it's different. It feels like something so much more than anything I've ever felt with a woman. Smitty and I had a few casual encounters, but we're more like best friends now. As for Hedy, I only hung around her all the time so that no one would be suspicious about how I felt towards you. I guess I didn't think that I might've had you fooled too…" I said, laughing a little. We sat down. He placed his hand on mine.

"God I'm so happy. This changes everything. The only reason I got with Rosemary was to get Hedy away from me. She wanted to kiss me and threatened to tell J.B. that I had if I didn't. As soon as it was over, I started singing about Rosemary to make her think that I loved her instead. It worked."

"But… Smitty told me that you two had dinner together. In fact, it was the weekend that you worked through, right before that night with the party."

"Well I _did_ go to dinner with her. But only because Smitty had practically insisted. Rosemary had been flirting with me for a while, but I was more focused on my career so I more or less ignored her advances." He stroked my hand as he spoke.

"What about your engagement?" It was great knowing that Ponty felt as strongly about me as I did about him, but he and I weren't going to be like my Uncle and Hedy. His face fell and I could tell that he had realized the problem.

"Well… I only really did it so that Rosemary would go along with the plan to get Hedy away from me. If I had known how you felt beforehand, I wouldn't have done it. Now we've kissed each other, but I'm engaged to her… What will I do? I like Rosemary, but what we have isn't real. I really want to explore what we have going here, but I can't as long as I'm engaged to her." He got up and began to pace. I moved to his desk.

"Well I agree. I completely understand if-what's this?" I noticed a letter addressed to Ponty under his papers.

"It's addressed to you. It says it's from Rosemary. And it's unopened."

"Huh? Let me look at that, please?" I handed it to him.

"That's odd. I don't remember getting any mail deliveries today." He opened the envelope and read aloud:

"'Finch, this a letter of resignation'-'What? Why would Rosemary resign?'-'I'm writing this to you because you've been ignoring me ever since you and I got engaged two days ago. You said you needed me, but you've barely said ten words to me all week! You said you loved me, but you didn't really mean it. I feel hurt, humiliated, ignored, and upset. You never even gave me an engagement ring. Not to mention as long as I'm your secretary I have to keep our relationship secret and that's just the worst. So I'm leaving the company. By the time you read this, I'll have already left.'"

"Oh no Bud, what am I supposed to do? I don't want Rosemary to quit her job because of me. That would be awfully rude." He said, visibly upset by the whole thing.

As I opened my mouth to speak, someone knocked on the still locked door. Finch and I exchanged glances and I went to his desk and hid under it.

"Just a minute!" Finch said as he walked over. He unlocked the door and there stood none other than Rosemary Pilkington.

"Oh hello Rosemary. I just read your letter of resignation. What are you doing here?"

"I've changed my mind." She said, walking into his office. "I'm not resigning. But we still need to talk about our relationship."

"Yes Rosemary, I agree. Well first, I just want to say that I'm glad that you're staying with the company. I would never want you to resign because of me or something I did. However I want to address what you said in the letter. I hadn't realized myself, but it's true, I have been ignoring you. It hasn't been intentional, but that doesn't excuse it." He took her hand and sat down with her as he spoke. I was slightly jealous, but he knew what he was doing.

"No it certainly does not excuse it. Why have you been ignoring me? Don't you love you anymore? Aren't I supposed to be your Mrs. Finch?" I could hear the pain in her voice and it didn't feel good knowing that I was more or less the cause of that pain.

"Well… Rosemary, there's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be honest with you. What we have, it's not really… well, real. We never really had a "friends" stage, you just fell for me without really getting to know me and then we went out together for dinner. Then we were suddenly engaged. I didn't have a ring, this is true, but only because I hadn't planned to propose that night." He spoke slowly and carefully, with no tone so that nothing he said could be misunderstood or misinterpreted.

"Well what are you trying to say Finch? That you just want to be friends with me?" She questioned. Her voice quavered and although I couldn't see her face, I knew that she was on the verge of tears now.

"I like you Rosemary, I really do. But I'm not the right guy for you. You need a guy who can take care of you and won't neglect you. Right now, reaching the top of the company is my goal and I'm well on my way to achieving that. But until that happens, it's my number one priority. And that isn't fair to you." He sounded sad as well, and that killed me.

"You know what? You're right. I got too emotionally attached too fast. I barely got to know you. How could I expect you to love me, or for me to really love you, in just a few months? I shouldn't have moved so fast. I'm sorry." She was definitely crying now. I felt awful for her.

"And I shouldn't have just forgotten about you like that. That was horrible of me, truly. I'm sorry. I hope you'll forgive me. I understand if you need some time or some space to adjust to not being together, but I'd like you to remain my friend. At the very least, we can keep a good professional relationship. That is, if you can still stomach the idea of being my secretary."

"I forgive you. I'll be okay eventually. I just need time. I'll still be your secretary, I don't want to give up my pay increase." She stood to leave.

"Thank you so much Rosemary. I'm glad you understand." He rose with her and gave her a hug.

"No problem Ponty. I'll be outside if you need anything. Just call." She walked to the door.

"Alright. If you anyone comes by looking for me, could you tell them that I'm busy? I need to be alone right now." He said. Oddly enough I could practically hear the smile in his voice.

"Sure thing. I'll lock the door behind me so no one barges in." She locked the door and then went through, closing it behind her. As the sound of her receding footsteps got quieter, Ponty spoke to me:

"You can come out from there now." I rose from my hiding spot and walked over to him. I hugged him tightly.

"You okay? That was rough." I said, rubbing his back comfortingly.

"Yes. I'll be okay. I just feel guilty for letting all of that happen in the first place." He buried his head into my shoulder.

"I hate that I had to be the cause of all of that." I said. He lifted his head and pulled back, looking at me.

"You think this is your fault? Of course it isn't Bud, even before you told me about your feelings for me, I knew that what I was doing with Rosemary was a mistake, I just didn't know how to get out of it."

"Yeah… but what about what you said to her? You're focused on advancing your career. Will I get in the way of that? Will you not have time for me in your life either? I don't mean to sound selfish, but I don't want to end up like Rosemary."

"Bud I-Look, you're just as career focused as I am. We make each other more competitive. We'll be focused on advancing our careers together, alright?" He looked me dead in the eyes as he spoke.

"… Okay." I looked away as I said it. I tried to sound convincing, but I knew I had failed. I couldn't help but be worried. It's not like I didn't have experience with people leaving me in my life. When I looked back up, Ponty was smiling, but it wasn't his normal smile. There was something mischievous about it.

"What's with that look you're giving me?" I asked, dropping my arms and eyeing him with raised eyebrows.

"Do you really doubt how strongly I feel about you?" He said, still smiling.

"Well… sort of? I know that's probably annoying but people have left me before and-"

"I can prove it to you. How strongly I feel."

"How?" I was genuinely confused at this point. He was acting so strange, so different from normal.

"I guess I'll just have to kiss away your fears." He said as he moved forward and caught my lips with his once more. Boy, did I enjoy kissing him. It was great. He pulled me closer again, this time swiping his tongue across my lips. I parted them and we began to make out passionately. His hands began to wander and he started to explore my body. Eventually he and I had managed to remove each other's shirts.

"Do you still doubt me?" He asked, his kiss swollen lips moving as he panted. Now it was my turn to be mischievous.

"I think I still need a little convincing." I said tauntingly, removing my belt and tossing it aside. He stared at it and then looked at me. He took off his own belt and placed it on the nearest chair, then walked over to me.

"Just don't forget that the meeting is soon and we still have an idea to work on together." He said.

"Oh I won't." I whispered in his ear, before moving to his neck and beginning to mark him. He moaned softly and I continued for a while before returning to his lips. As I made out with him, he pulled on my pants and I kicked off my shoes to allow him to pull my pants down. I did the same for him. We were left standing in our boxers, and there was a very obvious bulge in both of ours. Looking at his erection, I spoke:

"Mr. Finch, how sexually active have you been in your life?"

"I'm actually a virgin Mr. Frump. Only ever been kissed."

"Really? Interesting. Well, I've been getting myself checked often, given how often Smitty and I used to meet each other, and I'm glad to inform you that I'm clean."

"Great." He said, moving to his desk and opening a drawer. He pulled out a Durex. He walked over to me, unwrapping it.

"It seems I'm prepared for exactly that sort of thing."

* * *

After Ponty and I were through exploring each other, we began to discuss the treasure hunt idea. I was frank with him about my intentions when I brought it to him.

"I only told you this idea because I was hurt and I knew that my uncle didn't like it… I lied to you when I said I hadn't told him. I hope you can forgive me." I said, as we pored over the plans. He looked up at me, obviously thrown, but he quickly recovered.

"That's alright. I understand. I might've done a similar thing in your position. Besides, when you brought this idea to me, I knew that it would take a little bit of tweaking before it would really be presentable to others." He said, before quickly returning to the manuscript and writing notes.

"Okay good." Suddenly, a horrible thought sprang to mind.

"Ponty… When we go out there, we can't act like we're… You know, involved. People will think it's not normal. You know, two guys going steady with each other? And what we just did… well, it wasn't exactly legal." He placed his pen down next his pad and turned to me, eyeing me with curious look on his face.

"You're right… As much as I'd like to be open about who I'm with, I know that there's no way I can manipulate that many people into seeing things my way. I guess we'll have to act like nothing's changed." His words devastated me. I knew he was right, but it still hurt. It wasn't fair. I've spent the majority of his employment trying to get with him and now we can't be together like I wanted. He must have seen the disappoint in my eyes, because he turned towards me and kissed me on the cheek and held my hand reassuringly.

"Hey come on now, don't get upset. I know it's not fair, but we'll make it work, I promise. I'll cover you and vice versa, alright?"

"Okay… Well, I've probably got to get going. I still have a job to do around here, though I forget that sometimes." I said, rising to leave. Ponty grabbed my hand. I turned to him and was met with one last breath taking kiss.

"Consider that one for the rode." He said, smiling against my lips. I hugged him close and spoke:

"I will. I'm sure that won't be our last parting kiss either." With that, I turned and left the office. Rosemary was outside, at her desk. As I walked by, she seemed startled.

"Did you just come from Mr. Finch's office?" she asked, clearly suspicious. I couldn't say yes, that wouldn't check out with her locking the door.

"No?" I lied, though I didn't sound very convincing.

"Oh. Well then where are you coming from?" she asked, unknowingly making me begin to sweat nervously.

"A, uh, coffee break." I said.

"A coffee break?" she said, looking even more suspicious than before. I decided to put up the usual Bud façade.

"Yeah. Because I'm the boss nephew, remember? I can do whatever I want." I said cockily.

"Uh-huh…" Rosemary said. She didn't seem to buy it, but at the very least she looked like she was going to let it slide. I needed to convince her just a tad more, so I added:

"Can you take a message for Finch from me? Tell him I said I'm not happy about his latest promotion and I intend to make sure everyone knows it." I said, cackling as I turned and walked off, not bothering to check to see if she had written it as I left.

"Oh that's rotten, rotten, rotten, Bud Frump!" I heard her call after me. Whatever. I had a mean streak to maintain, unfortunately. And I knew exactly what to do next. I needed to have a little talk with J.B.

* * *

As I approached my uncle's office, I noticed that Hedy was standing outside. I stayed back, watching her. She looked around, then slipped in. I followed her, making sure I was quiet. As I approached J.B. behind her, I noticed something funny. He was knitting! I didn't know Uncle Jasper knit! Subconsciously I filed that in the back of my head for later blackmail material. Oops. Old habits die hard I guess. I chuckled to myself.

"What the hell do you want?" J.B. said gruffly, after he noticed my presence. I had to word this just right so that it would be very obvious later on what I had been planning to do.

"J.B., you remember that television idea I once told you about? The treasure hunt?"

"I told you what I thought of that treasure hunt."

"I just wanted to remind you that you didn't like it." I said, turning and leaving immediately, cackling evilly for good measure. Now all I could do is hope that Ponty would figure out a way to pull through like he always does. I hated having to make things harder for him, but it'd be unlike me to not. As I walked, I remembered that I had arranged for a meeting with the men in the executive washroom earlier and I was about to be late. I hurried off, ready to continue my act.

* * *

As I entered the executive washroom, I was already late. The meeting had started. I behaved nonchalantly, as though I were very satisfied.

"Hi men." I said confidently, strolling over to a mirror and checking my appearance.

"Hear anything, Bud?" said Tackaberry.

"Chaps, our worries are over. Finch is going ahead with...-" I thought better of telling them about the plan, just in case things got out of hand again-"well, believe me, he's dead-dead-dead. And I'm so happy I could cry."

"I don't know. Finch has a way of bouncing. I wouldn't believe he was dead if I read his obituary." Bratt said with a skeptical look on his face. I continued, needing the guys to be on what appeared to be my side of this whole thing.

"Ordinarily I'd agree with you. Finch is very smart. But don't forget that he's in advertising. And that does something to a man's brain's." I glanced down the hallway as I spoke, and suddenly my handsome devil was there, walking towards us with that bright glint in his eye again. He'd figured something out, I just knew it. But I had to keep acting.

"Has anybody seen my Wildroot Cream Oil?" I said, gesturing towards hall so that they'd know that Ponty was coming. Quickly, the men all rushed to mirrors and busied themselves with their hair or other such things.

"Hiyah, men." Ponty said as he entered the washroom. We said hello back, but the sincerity was obviously forced.

"All set for the big meeting?" Bratt said, clearly trying to figure out if Ponty had something planned.

"Could be, could be. Wish me luck, men." Ponty replied. He eyed Bratt carefully as he responded and he was acting like he was trying to hide something. I knew it. He definitely had a plan in motion. As the men wished him good luck, he walked to a stand further away from us. His mouth was moving. What was he doing, giving himself a pep talk? While he did that, the men were all whispering about how they needed to stop Finch before he'd stop them. The atmosphere was thick with tension. It was ominous. Things were either going to go really well or horribly wrong. And it was really hard to tell which was more likely.

* * *

Soon enough, it was time for the big meeting. The men and I were all present and accounted for. All we needed to join us now was Uncle Jasper and Finch. Everyone was quiet; all focused on whatever it was Finch was gonna pop up with next. I didn't even know, there was no time to see him before the meeting started. Suddenly J.B. entered the room and we all stood.

"Gentlemen. Where's Finch?" he asked, looking around the room.

"Not here yet, sir." Bratt replied.

"We'll start without him. We have a lot of other business to take care of before we come to Finch's presentation." My uncle started rambling on about crabgrass plaguing his lawn, which I thought was pretty silly "business" if you asked me.

"We never have any trouble with crabgrass at our place." I interrupted.

"What do you use?" J.B. asked.

"Cement." I replied in a dead pan voice. I glanced around. No one cracked a smile.

"Sorry, J.B. Just a little joke." I said, raising my hands in mock surrender.

After a condescending joke about my intelligence, Uncle Jasper received a call and Ponty entered the room shortly afterwards. He was assisted by Miss Vanacore and Jonesy, and the presentation he prepared was… interesting to say the least.

"What the hell is that?" my uncle asked.

"A picture of Mount Vesuvius in eruption. That gives you an idea of the impact our new television show is going to have." Um… Okay. Sometimes he gets carried away a little easily. "Now, J.B., an example…" he said, removing the painting and revealing the cover of _Time_ magazine, "… of the kind of national publicity you can look forward to." This was my cue to complain, though it wasn't too hard because I was actually genuinely shocked. How was he going to get _Time_ involved with our company?

"Oh, God!" I said, feigning horror. Finch continued, revealing his research and statistical analysis chart by chart until he was finished. Biggley seemed to approve of the idea, but I knew that I needed to make my "deception" clear.

"Could I ask a question, J.B.?" I asked.

"Yes." He said.

"What is his idea?"

"You heard. A television show that will give us penetration and peak reaction. Sounds great, Finch. Great! Doesn't it, men?" There was a hum of talk at the table, but nothing overtly positive. I needed to push a bit more.

"But what's the idea for the show?" I said, standing and pointing at Ponty.

"I don't see why you have to be so damned negative. The only things you ever come up with are lousy ideas like treasure hunts." My uncle bellowed. I turned to Finch and looked at him. To anyone observing it would've seemed like a look of malice, but only Ponty could see the subtle and unspoken "I believe in you, now make this work" in my eyes. He nodded slightly.

"All right, Finch, what is the idea for the show?" my uncle asked.

"I don't think I'm going to tell it to you." Finch replied. What was he thinking? Was he trying to make J.B. angry?

"What do you mean?" J.B. rose from the table as he spoke. Uh-oh. Ponty had better save this quickly.

"You know, J.B., I've always thought of you as a man of breadth and vision… open to new ideas. But now I don't know. I'm thrown." Ponty started.

"By what?" J.B. asked, looking at Finch with raised eyebrows.

"The way you just spoke to Bud about his idea for a treasure hunt. You dismissed it. The fact is, there are treasure hunts and _treasure hunts_. When Bud brought it to me, I thought it was a rotten idea, too." He said.

"I should hope so." Biggley replied.

Then next set of statements he made were some pretty farfetched references to ideas that started small and grew bigger. His basic point was that the development of an idea is more important than the idea itself. He also said that he was going to take my idea and "de-frump" it. I glared at him for that, not a single part of me faking the annoyance I felt at him bastardizing my last name. He shrugged and continued.

"First of all, my treasure is not a bond, and it's not money. It's stock." Ponty said, smiling confidently.

"Stock?!" We were all shocked.

"Fifty thousand shares of stock." He said, still smiling.

"Stock? In our company?" J.B. was floored.

"These days people like stock better than money."

"How can we issue fifty thousand extra shares of stock?" Bratt complained. The men all muttered their agreement. Ponty had better think quickly again if he was going to get out of this one.

"That's no problem. It's a simple matter of taking the convertible debentures from the sinking fund, issuing stock options which are exchangeable for rights, which we then convert into nonvoting common and replace with warrants." Finch spoke so fast as he explained himself that everyone stared at him for a few seconds before continuing their argument. Suddenly, Ponty managed to shock us again.

"Gentlemen, the World Wide Wicket Treasure Girl." As he spoke, in walked none other than Hedy LaRue herself. She was dressed as a pirate, and she was showing off a lot of skin. A quick look around the room and it was obvious that the men were having issues controlling themselves. You could practically see them deciding whether or not it was worth risking a permanent transfer to Venezuela. Meanwhile, Ponty and Hedy were playing up their angle on J.B. There was a lull so I decided it was time to stir things up a little bit again.

"Offhand, I'd say this would be great for someone like Elizabeth Taylor."

"Why don't you get Queen Elizabeth?" I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

"This is an American program." He leaned across the table and stared intently at me as he spoke. I got the message. I didn't need to keep trying to get in the way, he's gambling and he doesn't want me to accidently tip the scales out of his favor. I quieted down. Ponty started to continue when Bratt and the rest of the men tried to interrupt again. Suddenly J.B. stood.

"Just a moment. I'll handle this. Gentlemen and Miss LaRue, will you please leave me alone with Mr. Finch." After he spoke we rose, albeit hesitantly, and began to saunter off, all of the men complaining as they went. I gave Ponty one last look, then I turned and left.

* * *

Ponty's meeting with Uncle Jasper didn't take very long. We were called back into the room fairly quickly and soon enough Uncle Jasper had told us that he was going to along with Finch's idea. I was overjoyed, though I hid it. I was so glad for Ponty. As soon as I could get him alone, we'd do some private celebrating. In the meantime however, it was time for the actual planning and organization of the show, which meant Ponty had to head down to the television station momentarily to help set up. While I waited for him to come back, I stopped by Bratt's office and "borrowed" Smitty.

We went up to my office. I brought her up to speed with everything that had happened.

"So you and Ponty, huh? I'm happy for you, dear. I hope poor Rosemary is okay though. It took a lot to convince her to stay and go back to him, so it must've really crushed her to be turned away like that." She said.

"I know… I felt really bad about it. How are things going with Bratt?" I asked.

"Well… ever since Mr. Gatch got sent to Venezuela, all of the men in the office have been trying to avoid Hedy, Bratt included. I'm still his secretary after all but… I don't know, it just feels like he doesn't really see me, y'know?" She said. I put my arm around her.

"I know exactly what you mean. I felt the same way about Ponty, for a while. You have plenty of alone time with him though. Maybe you could just tell him how you feel? It doesn't matter if he's your boss, if he feels the same way about you, he should be able to tell you."

"Hm… Maybe you're right. Actually, he's supposed to be watching that television program with J.B. after Finch gets back. He's probably not too busy right now."

"Go to him then. Tell him how you feel. And you let me know what he says, okay? Don't hesitate to call, I'll be here for a little while."

"Alright Bud. Thanks for listening. Congrats again on your new man." With that, she stood and left.

My man. Nothing else inspired me to work as hard as Ponty did. He truly was amazing. And with this new television program idea, who knows where he'll go next. He's a genius.

And then all hell broke loose.

* * *

It happened fast. Hedy was on TV the next day, about to deliver the first clue, when the announcer called in a fellow with a Bible, asking her to swear that she didn't know where the treasure was and that the clue she was about to give was the truth. She swore to the latter but broke under pressure with the former, revealing that she knew where the treasure was located and then proceeded to tell it on national television. She was not supposed to know that, so I knew it was probably Uncle Jasper's fault. I hope I'm never as loose lipped as him.

Suddenly, there were people everywhere. Turning over chairs, flipping desks. The secretaries were running as fast as they could, while the executives all hid in the washroom. Somehow Finch got lost in the chaos. Then things slowly began to clear up. It quieted down outside and the executives started to force non employees out of the building. We received calls from other offices, they had all been ransacked as well. The television program had been an abject failure. And to make matters worse… I was tasked with the job of finding Ponty. He seemed to have stayed out of the office for the rest of the day.

I didn't know what to do. I loved him, but everyone wanted him out of the company. Even Jonesy said that someone's head had to roll. It was a nightmare. I was searching for him the next day while people finished cleaning things up, when I walked in on him and Rosemary in the lobby. He had a huge shiner on his forehead, which worried me, but I didn't know why. I knew what I had to do, but I despised it. Leaning against the wall, I said a silent apology, then rounded the corner and made my presence known.

"Ah-ha!" I retreated to the executive suite, walking slowly after I was out of their sight, hoping that if I took long enough, Ponty would leave. I walked back with four executives, and of course I had no such luck. He was still there, waiting for me. Why wasn't he trying to slip away? I put on the tough guy act again.

"Finch, you're wanted in J.B.'s office." I said, interrupting Rosemary. She was obviously very worried about him. She probably still held feelings for him. That did little good for either of us, since it looked like our hearts were both about to be broken.

"I thought I'd wash up first." He replied. His eye were dark, the glint of ambition just gone. It killed me, seeing him like that.

"They want you now." I gestured to the men behind me.

"Gee, can't I even say good-bye to Rosemary?" he asked.

I raised an eyebrow at him. Secretary or not, what was so special about her? But I realized this would probably be the best for both of them, since they may not see each other again after this.

"Go ahead." I said.

"Rosemary, good-bye." He gave her a hug. She looked meaningfully into his eyes and I decided that that was enough closure.

"Come along." I said, pulling him away.

"But, I…" he said as we headed toward the hallway. The men blocked his path to Rosemary and hoisted him up, trudging towards the hall with him. He shouted to be heard.

"I'm sorry Rosemary. I wish none of this had ever happened!"

"Ponty!" she cried after us. I felt for her. This felt like the worst thing that had ever happened to me.

* * *

As we approached the stairs, I felt worse and worse about this whole scenario.

"Guys, go on ahead without us. I need to have a few words with Mr. Finch here before he gets what's coming to him."

They nodded and headed up the stairs. As soon as they were out of sight, I grabbed Ponty and headed for the nearest door. We were in a scrubwoman's closet.

"Ponty are you alright? What happened to your forehead?" I asked him, drawing a hand up to it.

"It's nothing. I got it last night. They threw me out of a bar." He replied.

"Why?"

"Because I didn't buy anything." He said sheepishly.

"Everyone must think they're so tough… Well anyway, why are you here? Don't you know that everyone is waiting for you upstairs?"

"I know. But it doesn't matter. I've got to go in and face the music."

"But… you'll lose your job. I'll probably never see you again. What will I do without you? What will you do?"

"Listen to me. You are gonna stay right here, in this company, and you're gonna succeed, okay? You're gonna rise to the top. As for me… Well I'll just go back to what I was before I came here." He rested his hands on my shoulders.

"What were you?" I asked.

"I was a window washer." He looked away, as if expecting me to be disgusted. When I didn't move, he looked back at me.

"Why should I care about that? I'm staying with you. We'll just have to figure out a way to make this all work."

"It's not safe Bud. You know that. Us being together is already a big enough secret, it would be too hard to maintain."

"I don't care about any of that Ponty. Why the hell should you face those monsters? Go ahead, run away. Escape. I'll pretend you overpowered me and left or something, please." I pleaded with him, feeling tears begin to well up in my eyes. At that moment, he straightened himself, and brought my face up to his, then locked his lips with mine. When he was done, I felt dizzy. After the kiss, he looked into my eyes and spoke:

"No, I'm going to face them and get it over with. There's nothing you can do. I know this hurts, but I have to do this." He stepped outside. "I can't guarantee that someone won't walk by, but I'll be out here when you're ready to go." He closed the door behind himself. I walked up to the door, telling myself to be strong as I reached for the handle. But I couldn't do it. Someone was about to leave my life again. And there was nothing I could do about it. It wasn't fair. I slumped against the door and slid to the floor, feeling utterly helpless as I allowed myself a few moments to cry. Then I quickly wiped my face, checked a mirror to make sure my eyes weren't red and puffy, and opened the door.

"Let's go." I said.

* * *

As we entered the office, I immediately noticed the chairman of the board, Mr. Womper, was there. This couldn't be good. Finch was as good as fired. He walked up to J.B. and Womper and did everything Uncle Jasper asked him to. It was heartbreaking. I wanted to plead with Uncle Jasper to let him stay, but I knew that I couldn't. When Ponty said he was a window washer, everyone laughed. I didn't. If it weren't for my mother, I probably would've been the same thing. Then, out of nowhere, something incredible happened. Womper spoke.

"No kiddin'. I started as a window washer myself." He said. This was it. If Finch played his cards right, he might just be able to get out of this mess! I said nothing, only watched as they talked.

"Ponty, how did this happen? I could understand a college man pulling a boner like this, but not no window washer. Now this idea of yours…" Womper said.

"Hold it, Wally." Ponty looked across at me as he grabbed Wally's arm and I cringed. I knew what he was about to do. It only made sense. After all, this _was_ my terrible idea. He had an apologetic look on his face, but I shook my head, then nodded as if to tell him to go on.

"If there's one thing I won't do, it's take credit for another man's idea. Especially when he's the boss's nephew."

All the men in the office looked at me. Womper looked at Biggley. He started babbling some nonsense about how it wasn't nepotism that he hired me because he hated me and all that, but none of it mattered. It wouldn't change the outcome, at least not for me. Suddenly, Ponty was working his magic, talking about how we were all brothers, regardless of being part of the cold corporate setup. He had the whole office in accord with him. When his little speech was over, I knew what was next. Four men surrounded me, but not before Ponty discreetly slipped a small book into my pocket and whispered: "Sorry about this, but I said I would cover you and I plan to do that." He glanced down at my pocket. "I don't need this anymore, but maybe it can help you. Use it well. I'll see what I can do about lessening your punishment." With that, the men grabbed me and I was dragged out of the office.

* * *

I was in my office, packing my things, when I received a call. I picked up my phone.

"Bud Frump speaking… ex head of Plans and Systems." I spoke into the phone.

"Hiyah Bud! It's Finch." I heard on the other end.

"Finch?" I asked, confused.

"Yeah. F-I-N-C-H."

"You idiot, I know how to spell your name, it's just… why are you calling me?" I said with a goofy grin on my face.

"Well, I said I'd take care of you right?"

"That you did. About that book you gave me. _How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying_. Have you been using this the whole time you were employed here?"

"Uh-huh! It's got everything in there, and you're gonna need it, if you're ever gonna get back to your old position."

"What? Ponty, I've been fired. There's no way they're gonna re hire me."

"Well… as the new chairman of the board I might just have a little say in what happens to who."

"Chairman of the board? Ponty, congratulations, that's amazing!"

"Yes it is. And the perks that come with it are just great. For example, you will still be a company employee. However, the only way I could get any leverage to make it happen was to have you start in a lower position than you were in before." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I was gonna be allowed to stay with the company. This was great.

"That's great news Ponty! Wow… thank you so much."

"No problem Bud. Now, about your job. You're gonna have to start all the way at the bottom of the totem pole. Company window washer." How ironic was that? But I guess in a sense, that was justice. At least this way, I'd get a fresh start. I'd be able to turn over a new leaf and become a new me. With humble beginnings, the perfect book to help me succeed, and the right motivation to keep me working hard, I'd be back to where I was, maybe even beyond in no time. And the sooner I did that, the sooner I'd be back in my Ponty's arms.

"Alright. Not a problem. Thanks again. I guess I'll see you soon then. Just remember to watch out. I'm coming for you Ponty." I chuckled.

"Oh, I'm prepared for exactly that sort of thing." Ponty said. And with that, he hung up the phone. I laughed, then went back to packing my things. I thought about our future together.

"Someday." I said. "Maybe not now, maybe not until 50 years from now, but someday, he and I will be able to be together, and never have to hide our happiness again." I smiled at the thought, and packed my last item. I walked to the lobby and passed Smitty and Mr. Bratt on the way to the exit. They were holding hands and looking into each other's eyes lovingly and intensely, so much that they didn't notice me. I smiled to myself, glad that Smitty had clearly been able to work things out between them. I exited the building, looking up at it from the street. I opened the book and read. I looked up eventually.

"The right company…" I said thoughtfully. I turned and hailed a taxi. And in one last act of selfish Bud defiance, I shouted out at the top of my lungs:

"I will return!"


End file.
